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4/8/13

League Post :: A Real American ZERO!


This week's League of Extraordinary Bloggers assignment:

"What piece of pop culture did you HATE as a kid?"

Me? I hated GI Joe.

Okay, maybe 'hate' is too strong a word. I wasn't entirely averse to the toys. I had a soldier who you could peg onto a little glider and toss through the air, and that was fun, and I had an Lt. Torpedo that some kids left at a construction site next door to my house that I 'findered keepered.' The toys were fun, I understood the appeal, and even have a handful of modern Joe toys today.

What I really hated was that insipid cartoon.

First: Lasers. WTF?!?! Where are the live rounds? The hot lead? The full metal jackets?

Lasers. Pfft.

Second, they never shot SHIT! Ok, they shot planes down all day long (while the director made sure to show us the pilot eject and the parachute open every. single. time. EVEN FROM HELICOPTERS!) but they never shot a single PERSON.

THIS IS WAR, NOT TIDDLEY WINKS! 

There would be a firefight, seven Joes on one side hiding behind a boulder while fifteen feet away sixteen Cobra soldiers hid behind a similarly sized boulder. Eightseventhousand laser beams are flying through the air bouncing off rocks and cactus and firing in every direction including those that only exist in the fifth dimension and no one ever hit anyone.

Ever.

LAME!

At least Transformers and GoBots got blasted in the arm or leg or shot out of the sky on occasion. Sure, they are robots and they can be repaired and there's no blood, but at least they ran the risk of being hurt! But watching an episode of GI Joe was like watching Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles play darts by moonlight. Actually, even that would have been more entertaining than an episode of GI Joe.

So there you have it. I hated the GI Joe cartoon.

What other hatemongering awaits?
Henchgirl hates Hermione, for fu%* sake!
Geeky Vixen hates your little pony, gawddammit!
And Retro Toy Safari hates dollies that are full of $#!t!


16 comments:

  1. I'm guessing that you're older than me, because I loved the cartoon when I was a kid. I'd rather see lasers than bullets at that time.

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    1. Everyone knows robots shoot lasers, not soldiers! DUH! ;)

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  2. I was about to go all Snake Eyes on you, until I realized you were talking about the cartoon. I'm with you there. As much as I loved it as a kid, it really was rather awful.

    Except for "There's No Place Like Springfield." When I first saw those two episodes at the tender age of 7 or 8, they freaked me the hell out. I think they're still a little creepy even today.

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    1. Yeah, I'm ok with the toys and characters, but that cartoon was off-putting even to my child self.

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  3. The cartoon is not bad but it's not good either and it did have that gem of a episode "Cold Slither" which I still love to this day and I actually go about singing the song on a weekly basis and not realizing am doing it lol. Now I do think the cartoon has held up better than the Transformers cartoon has in our adult years and I know some would argue this but I have discuss this with several of my friends while watching the cartoons and they seem to be in agreement on this too.

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    1. I think the difference is that I hated GI Joe toon then. I'm sure they all suck now when viewed with our refined eyes lol!

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  4. Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles play darts by moonlight?? LOL!

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  5. I dug it as a kid, one of my first Jobs out of highschool was working for a TV station, and being forced to run the show as a teenager I had a different opinion. I will never forget watchin on crap episode where the heroes got caught by Cobra, who took all their "Guns" (I.e. the accessories that they come with in the package) and then had them working in a mine shaft one character turned to the other and says "Gee I wish I had my gun, I'd show them Cobra jerks what for!" However the lazy animators had not bothered to work off the model sheet so all the items that were molded on to the toys were still there. dude had a .45 cal pistol, combat knife and two freakin grenade, look the hell down grand slam, and what kind of terrorist organization takes the rifles and backpacks but doesn't give prisoners at least a basic pat down WTF!!!

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  6. I had the same trouble with GI JOE as I did with the A TEAM. NO ONE EVER DIED. No matter how many times their jeep flipped. And don't get me started on Cobra Commander. That numnut couldn't take over a lemonaid stand or a day care center. How he keeps his job after so many failures boggles my imagination. Does he have accountants. I can't even estimate the amount of money he has lost in his stupid schemes. I dreamed once that he was selling farm land on the moon. Moon Vegies. Cobra Brand Moon Vegitables. What did that show have to do with anything except to allow armed psychopaths to fight their own private army on US SOIL. Isn't that what the 3rd World is for? GAH!

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  7. I never watched GIJoe cartoon, so I think I'm lucky.

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    1. :D :D :D
      I love your Barononess, she looks like Mindy http://spongebob.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Mindy
      :D :D :D :D :D

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  8. I did love the Cobra Arena of Sport though. lol It was always a campy and odd place. I didn't mind parts of the cartoon, but there were some parts that were annoying. But then again, I was not a big G.I. Joe toon fan. So that might have something to do with it. lol

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  9. You should have hated Standards and Practices then... they make the rules. That's the same reason why He-Man can hit a rock with is sword but not a person.

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