What gets me about these people and their bunched-panty-attitudes is their complete lack of knowledge and true understanding of what really exists on toy store shelves. Breaking Bad toys offend you? Why just those, when there are literally hundreds of things one could get offended about on the Nerf aisle alone!
All that the misguided offense proves to me is that the offended have very little actual awareness of the thing they claim to be offended by. To wit: inappropriate themes in children's playthings.
I, however, have a tremendous knowledge of children's playthings, bordering on the obsessive. To wit: this blog.
So put on your grouchy pants and get ready to yell at some clouds, for today I bring you:
Toyriffic's list of Ten Toys More Offensive Than Breaking Bad Action Figures.
10) Imaginext Meth Cooker
Okay, so in Fisher-Price's defense, this might just be a hazmat dude who looks, well, exactly like Walter White. But hey, if we're getting aggro about toys, why let 'facts' get in our way?
9) Marvel Superhero Squad Ghost Rider
Well, the Breaking Bad toys are aimed at the over 15 set for one thing, and for twosies, if you haven't seen the show (or meth for that matter) little about the action figures is really offensive, visually speaking. Has this mom ever heard of Todd McFarlane? That stuff needs no context!
But back on topic - Ghost Rider here was aimed directly at the pre-school set. And his head is on fire. And he's weilding a mace. That is on fire. And he's a leather-clad skull-faced biker-gang-member DEMON FROM HELL!
Okay, maybe only half of that comes across in the toy, without any previous comic book knowledge.
But, you know, that Breaking Bad action figure might warp my kid's mind, even if they've never seen the show.
8) Cobra Commander
7) The Ultra-Humanite
Poaching? Gotcha covered: There was once a nice, tranquil and presumably rare albino gorilla just chillin' in the jungle before Ulta Humanite cut out it's brain and replaced it with his own!
He was also a woman once. That's bound to offend someone in Florida. But Hey Kids, he came with a Jet Sled (that converted into a gun)! OfFUNsive!
8) Power Girl by DC Universe Classics
7) Scarface and The Ventriloquist
Ventriloquist and Scarface, well...where do I begin? The Ventriloquist...he's mentally ill. A murderer and a gangster to boot. He projects the darker aspects of his personality onto a puppet...that is modeled after Al Pacino's Scarface character from one of the most violent films of all time. Which is loosely based on the life of Al Capone, the real Scarface, who murdered and tortured and robbed and ran drugs and whore houses and didn't pay his taxes.
And this action figure here? It's based on a cartoon. You know...for kids.
But those Breaking Bad toys, well they gotta go!
6) Playmobil Vampiress
Vampires are everywhere in the toy aisles these days, and it doesn't even have to be Halloween. They're hip! So hip, even Playmobil is not immune to their charms, having a few versions of Vampires and Vampiresses (Vampiressessess?) available. And you know what vampires do, right? They suck blood! They kill, and make sex-slaves for themselves, and perhaps others if they are at a loss for a gift or something.
They are undead demons from hell.
This one even came with a chalice of blood. Yay accessories!
Pedo. In stores now!
4) Han Solo
Han Solo is a pirate and a smuggler. Smuggler of what, you ask? I think the official explanation is 'Spices' Like black pepper and cumin, you say? Yeah, I don't buy it either. Mos Eisely may be a hive of scum and villainy, but so is Wal-Mart, and I can get a whole rack of spices there, and it's on rollback. Ain't no one needs no smuggler for no spices!
Nah, the dude was totally a drug runner. For the (Hutt) mob. No better than Jesse Pinkman, some might say.
3) Darth Vader
He's everywhere. Not just in action figures mind you. He's even a HotWheel now!
Vader was instrumental in the destruction of an entire planet. He enslaved whole species. He hopped his own son's hand off. He tortured his future son-in-law (okay, so there's no crime there).
He also killed a whole bunch of younglings single-handedly. Literally, he only had one had at the time. HAW!
But it's okay, because we called them 'younglings' and not 'innocent children.'
2) The Joker
What evil, malicious, disgusting, depraved, immoral, disturbing act hasn't the Joker committed?
It's a short list.
1) Emperor Palpatine
It's a hard-knock life indeed.